i was living in venice beach, California.. weird things happen in  venice, california…..

but this night changed my life forever…

 

i had been suffering with severe depression…

                 anorexia nervosa, bulimia…

i had been diagnosed with mental illness called manic depression…

i locked myself in my room for days at a time

                 and mutilated my body…

when i went to sleep at night, i was tormented by horrific

nightmares of blood, and monsters, ghosts, spirits, demons…

nightmares of murder, of violence, of sheer terror…

i was afraid to go to sleep every night and had been for years…

i was taking speed, suicidal… hallucinating…destroying myself…

even though i was surrounded by self-help, new-age, and alternate religious books…

i felt lost and hopeless… in a pit of despair…

 

i didn’t believe in satan.. i didn’t believe in demons…

i believed in God, but i believed there were many ways to Him…

i believed Jesus was a good man, god’s son, a teacher, prophet…

                 but i didn’t believe He was with God and was God…

                 I didn’t believe He was the only way to God.

 

one night in the depth of m y despair… i called out to Jesus Christ…

alone, in my bathroom… when i called His name…

i said, “JESUS!...deliver me!”..

and at that moment…

what i would describe as a huge supernatural breath

sucked demonic creatures off of my body…

 

i saw them… about five of them…

                 clawed, winged, fanged transparent looking creatures…

sucked off of my body by this breath of God…

                 in an instant.. the split of a second… and at that moment…

i was free!

at that moment…

i knew there was a satan who hated me

                 and desired to destroy my soul..

i knew those demons had been sent to oppress me…

                 to drive me to my death… and i knew at that moment…

that the one name above all names who we can call upon to save us…

 

                 is JESUS.

 

i laid on the bathroom floor for a long time…

                 then i cried and fell asleep…

the next morning, i took communion… just me and God…

                 in my little room by the beach…

i committed my soul to Him, to His Son,

                 to Jesus, who i had called upon,

                 the one who had sucked creatures

of destruction off of my body…

i stayed quiet with Him all day…

                 the next morning, i woke up with a song in my heart…

I had joy coming out of the depth of my being…and peace…

where there had been loneliness, pain,

                 hopelessness and desperation.. a song had now begun…

the most beautiful song i have ever heard… a song of heaven…

of angels.. of laughter.. of peace…

the difference with Jesus is peace….

 

i grabbed my guitar.. i went down to the boardwalk…

                 i sang, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…”

i knew.. i just knew… Messiah Jesus was the Lord…

 

my life was changed forever… and still is.. that was 24 years ago.

 

i feel like mary magdelene, delivered of seven devils…

                 who sat at the feet of Messiah Jesus, washing His feet

                 with her tears.. wiping them with her hair…

I have been accused of being passionate for Messiah Jesus, my Lord…

I have been accused of being a freak.. extreme.. yes!  Thank G-d!

i am passionately in love with Messiah Jesus,

                 i follow Him passionately.

“if came to pass, that Jesus went throughout every city and village,

preaching and showing the good news of the kingdom of G-d…

the twelve disciples were with Him…

                 and certain women… one of whom was mary Magdalene

who had been healed of evil spirits and illnesses…

out of whom went seven demons…”  luke 8: 1-2

“…this woman, a sinner,

                 when she knew that Jesus was eating at the home

                 of a religious leader, brought an alabaster box of ointment…

she stood at His feet behind Him weeping…

                 and began to wash His feet with her tears…

                 and she wiped them with the hairs of her head…

                 and kissed his feet.. and anointed them with the oil.”

                                                          luke 7:36-38

 

 “then mary took a pound of ointment of spikenard,

an aromatic oil from the indian plant, nardostachys jatamansi,

                 very costly,…

she anointed the feel of Jesus, and wiped His feet with her hair;

and the house was filled with the odor of the ointment.”  john 12:3

 

Lord,

i anoint your feet with the aroma of my gratitude…

                 the oil which i pour out at your feet is myself..

                 i give You myself…because You gave me Yourself…

let my tears wash your feet…

i give You my love because You gave me Your love…

i give you my brokenness for You were broken for me…

let my love for You be a fragrance of forgiveness…

                 a sweet smelling sacrifice..

let my hands and my feet reach to a world that is dying to be loved…

to a world who needs a savior, let me offer You…

the One who can reach down into their cycle of destruction…

the One who can touch their isolated soul in despair..

the One, the only One… Jesus…i worship You…